Mos Eisley Welcoming Committee Chairman

moseisleywelcomingcommittee:

Apr 23, 2:36 PM EDT

Schools forced to use giant pigs for lunch programs

By Dick Hurtz Associated Press

In an age of school budget cuts and a public unwilling and uneasy about paying more in taxes, school administration officials have been forced to save tax money where it can. In one such effort, at Paul Lynde elementary, in Smogsburg, OH, school officials have gone whole hog. Using pigs given special growth hormones and special lactating pharmaceutics, administrators are able to feed hundreds of school children with only five very large pigs.

School spokesman Charlotte Webb said of the daily feedings “It gets kind of messy as some of the children have not learned to properly latch on to the teats, but we have so far racked up a substantial savings, somewhere in the hundreds of dollars in food cut backs.” she said enthusiastically. 

Asked by reporters how it tastes, student and massive complainer Samantha Strickland was quick to say “Tastes like ass and bacon.” as other students were eager to agree and give their unasked opinion. 

Administration officials are hopeful to grow very large turtles and replace school buses in the near future.

Schools forced to use giant pigs for lunch programs

By Dick Hurtz Associated Press

In an age of school budget cuts and a public unwilling and uneasy about paying more in taxes, school administration officials have been forced to save tax money where it can. In one such effort, at Paul Lynde elementary, in Smogsburg, OH, school officials have gone whole hog. Using pigs given special growth hormones and special lactating pharmaceutics, administrators are able to feed hundreds of school children with only five very large pigs.

School spokesman Charlotte Webb said of the daily feedings “It gets kind of messy as some of the children have not learned to properly latch on to the teats, but we have so far racked up a substantial savings, somewhere in the hundreds of dollars in food cut backs.” she said enthusiastically. 

Asked by reporters how it tastes, student and massive complainer Samantha Strickland was quick to say “Tastes like ass and bacon.” as other students were eager to agree and give their unasked opinion. 

Administration officials are hopeful to grow very large turtles and replace school buses in the near future.